

Hello and welcome to Silver Lake 2000 SCIENCE CORNER, the
newest feature on the ever expanding UncoolCentral website. The experts
here at SL2000 have often overheard local residents asking: "What is the
difference between a gay and a straight man?" with the answer being, "Six
beers." Could it really be true that homosexual and heterosexual males
become one after the consumption of only six alcoholic grain beverages?

Our straight men guinea pigs: Jason (left) and Bill (right) arriving at our
Manzanita Street Laboratory where they are greeted by our assistant,
Miss Killer. |
The scientists in our laboratories decided to conduct a controlled experiment
and see just how valid this theory was.
Our straight men
First, we needed two red-blooded all-American straight guys. We headed
to Griffith Park one Sunday and noticed a rugged touch-football game
in progress. One particularly virile specimen appealed to us. We approached
him and found out the following stats:
Name: Bill, aka "Rusty"
Age: 26
Occupation: Policeman
Interests: Sports
Sexual Orientation: Straight
Girlfriend: Yes, Christie
Next we found a strapping young specimen playing frisbee with his Golden
Retriever, Jedediah, and got the following info:
Name: Jason
Age: 21
Occupation: Communications Major, USC
Interests: Sports
Sexual Orientation: Straight
Girlfriend: Broke up

Bill and Jason meet for the first time with a hearty handshake. |
Separately, we tempted both men with the promise of a six-pack of Budweiser
Beer, Playboy Magazines and cable sports on television in return for participating
in an undisclosed experiment at our labs on Manzanita Steet. Both men
said yes and promptly arrived at our laboratory late that afternoon at
six.
The strangers were introduced and immediately took a liking to each
other as they both shared a common interest: sports. With our experiment
successfully underway, we invited the men in where they were delighted
to find a game on the tube. Before they could find out the score, Bill
and Jason's eyes lit up like Christmas when one our trained lab assistants
presented each of them with their very own six-pack of Budweiser beer.
The joy each man was feeling was apparent. When Bill asked why SL2000
was being so generous, another trained lab technician told them to relax,
make themselves at home and drink the six beers. Jason responded with
a manly, "You betcha, dude. Yesssss!"
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